


If We Lose Ourselves: Part I

by Likesummerrain (AverageBunny)



Series: If We Lose Ourselves [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fake Marriage, Falling In Love, Undercover Missions, Undercover as a Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 06:30:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11685990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageBunny/pseuds/Likesummerrain
Summary: A series of short fics where Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luminara Unduli go on an undercover mission as a recently married couple.You know what happens next.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> The product of an AU that has been going around in my head for about a year now! Enjoy!

“Myna Zaar.” 

“Elias Hayes.” 

“Suits you.” 

There was a smirk on her face as she looked at him, running the name through her mind as he stepped out of the fresher. He had shaved his beard off and combed his hair back. It felt wrong, almost, to look at him without a beard on his face. It reminded her of him as a padawan. 

“Where do you think they come up with these names?” she asked, leaning back in her seat, reading over the file again. 

_ Mynaa Zaar and Elias Hayes, recently married, now living on Gatalenta.  _

“Did they have to say we were married?” she asked out loud, staring at the word for longer than probably necessary. 

“I don't know," he said, a small smile playing at his lips. "It might be fun,” he teased, looking back at her as she took her headdress off. 

It was the first time he’d seen her remove it and he couldn’t help but watch as she so gently untied her hair underneath. 

In long waves, her hair fell down past her shoulder, curling up at the ends just below her elbow. She carefully threaded her fingers through it, watching the ground as she did so, detangling it until the curls overlapped each other quietly, brushing a few strands out of her face. 

He was mesmerized, unsure of what to say as she stood up to leave the room. 

“It’s a good look, Master Kenobi,” she said quietly, walking past him, smirking. Luminara walked out quickly, a soft reply coming from him. She just barely caught his smile as she left, turning his head away from her as she walked out. 


	2. Expectations

“What sort of separatist lives on a planet like this?” he asked, walking down the street with Luminara at his side. 

The planet was quiet, there was no other way to describe it.  

The air was a gentle hum around them, just barely touching them. There were three suns in the sky overhead, but their heat was instead a soft warmth. 

Natives walked past them, smiling as they did, quietly carrying on their own conversations. 

It was the complete opposite of what either of them were used to. 

Neither of them knew what lay ahead of them and that made her nervous. 

“I don’t know,” Luminara said, playing with the ends of her hair, pulled to the side in a long braid. “But I wasn’t expecting it to be so... _ quiet _ ,” she said suspiciously.  

“You say that as though it were  a bad thing,” he said. She chuckled, 

“No, not a bad thing,” she said. “But it makes me nervous,” she added, lowering her voice. 

“Yes, it does,” Obi-Wan said, looking around him as they walked. “And yet,” he started, letting his hand drop to his side, brushing against hers. “I could get used to it here,” he said after a moment. Luminara smiled at him, but did not reply. 

So could she. 


	3. Puzzle

They established a routine, his idea. It was no wonder, then, that he fit into it so perfectly. 

They had never spent much time together before, but to see him so at peace in domesticity surprised Luminara. 

To the outside world they were Mynaa and Elias, a newlywed couple who were absolutely in love, but here, in the safety of their “home” she couldn’t tell who he was, Obi-Wan or Elias. 

He was a natural here, charming as ever, just as friendly as she’d remembered. It was no surprise at how quickly they had made friends in the neighborhood. 

She was quiet, speaking only when necessary, observing the world around them. 

They had an assignment, a goal. There was no telling how much time they would spend here. 

“Dinner?” 

Luminara looked up at Obi-Wan, standing in the kitchen, watching her from the window that separated them. He was wearing a dark blue apron, two plates in hand as he walked out to the table. Luminara watched him set their places, pouring wine into both of their glasses. 

“Thank you,” she said, walking over to the table, surveying its contents. 

“The neighbors, Jak and Illan, a welcome present from them,” he said, nodding to the plates of food. 

“What is it?” she asked, hesitantly, poking at it with a fork. 

“I’m...not quite sure,” he said, sitting down. Luminara felt compelled to follow suit, the whole thing more formal than she was used to. 

They stared at the food for a moment, both opting to take a sip of the wine first. 

“Well,” Obi-Wan said, putting his glass down. “Not as strong as I would’ve imagined it to be.” He furrowed his brows, looking at the bottle again. Luminara chuckled. “What?” he asked, looking up at her. 

“Oh nothing,” she said, putting her own glass down. “I just didn’t expect you to be a…” 

“Wine enthusiast?” 

“Wine snob,” she corrected. Obi-Wan laughed, his head thrown back and his eyes closed. She couldn’t help but smile, too. It was all too natural, she thought, as they ate dinner together and talked about everything except their mission. 

It scared both of them. 


	4. Sport

He woke with a raging headache. He had slept on the couch, but he did not remember returning to it last night. 

They had been invited to a party the evening before, one of the neighbors. There were too many to remember their names properly, too many smiling faces that all looked the same after a few drinks. 

“I suspect you’re feeling better.” 

Obi-Wan looked up to find Luminara sitting on the opposite side of the room, datapad in hand, not looking at him. 

“Was it that bad?” he asked sheepishly as he tried to sit up. The room spun around him and he opted to stay as he was instead. Luminara looked up at him and smiled. 

“For you,” she said, walking over to him, handing him a slip of paper. There was a date and time written on it, the following Saturday and instructions on how to dress. He stared at the paper blankly, looking back at her. “A reminder,” she started, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“For what?” he asked. Luminara’s smile grew, a mischievous look behind it. 

“You don’t recall?” she asked. He shook his head, expression growing even more confused. “You signed up to fight a gundark last night. Sweetheart,” she added sarcastically. 

“I what?” he asked. She nodded, laughing slightly. 

“Someone had a few too many drinks last night and loudly proclaimed that they’ve fought off a nest of gundarks before and fighting one would be a...how did you put it? Oh, right,  _ a walk in the park _ .” Luminara walked out of the room to let Obi-Wan mull over his mistake from last night. She returned a moment later with a glass of water in her hand and a bowl of food. “Jak and Rahvin took you for your word and are looking forward to seeing you compete in Gatalenta’s favorite sport, Gundark Wrestling.” 

“What kind of planet is this?” he asked, taking the glass of water from her hands. 

“Our new home, darling,” she said, setting the bowl of food aside and leaving him again. 

Obi-Wan sighed, trying to think of any excuse that would get him out of it. The pounding in his head, however, left no room for thinking at the moment. 


	5. Heal

“You’d think they would’ve sent a Medical Droid along with us,” he groaned. Luminara laughed, applying another bacta patch on his back. 

Obi-Wan sat at the dining room table facing away from her, head hung low, twitching slightly each time her hand brushed over another wound. 

“Perhaps,” she started, her voice soft, hands expertly running down his back, healing the worst of his wounds. “They didn’t expect us to wrestle Gundarks, and decided we wouldn’t need one.” Obi-Wan groaned louder tinged with a slight moan. “There,” she said once she’d finished. 

“Thank you,” he said quietly, sitting up. 

“Now,” she said, wiping her hands on the cloth next to her. “No more drinking,” she told him. Obi-Wan chuckled, 

“After this I should think I’ll be smarter about when I drink,” he said, getting off the chair. He inhaled sharply, hand darting to his side. He closed his eyes, face scrunched up. 

“Your ribs?” she asked. He nodded, grimacing as he made his way over to the couch. He’d broken only one rib, miraculously, but it had proven harder to heal. She walked behind him as he shuffled to the couch before dropping himself down. “I must say, Master Kenobi,” she started, sitting down next to him. “We’ve been here almost a month and you’re just now putting yourself in harm’s way.” He laughed as he leaned back on the couch,

“To be fair,” he started, shifting on the couch. “This was a first.” 

“And I pray it’s the last,” she replied. He looked up at her, eyes soft, a small smile at his lips. Luminara rested her head back, closing her eyes. Thought it had been almost a month together, he never could quite get used to seeing her hair open. The way it framed her face, the curls loose, straightening at the ends. The urge to reach out and run his fingers through them became stronger everyday, but Obi-Wan quickly turned his head away, focusing instead on the sky outside their window. 

He let his hand rest between them, his knuckles brushing against her hand. She did not flinch, she did not move, she did not even seem to notice it now. 

They held hands in front of everyone, the gesture becoming somewhat of a routine now, so when Obi-Wan’s hand fell into hers, she did not move away, but she did not take it either. 

They sat like that, hands resting against each other, neither one making the next move. 


	6. Night

The bed was too big, she thought. 

It wasn’t often that she received a mission where warm shelter was provided, and she had no reason to complain, yet she did not feel right. 

Luminara lay awake, focusing on his force signature in the room next to her. It was quiet, rhythmic even. 

He was asleep. 

She was relieved. 

The last few nights he had gotten very little sleep, the pain in his side keeping him up all night. Despite the broken rib, which seemed to be healing properly, Obi-Wan managed to stay in character. 

She was beginning to get used to her own as well. Mynaa Zaar, no, Hayes. 

Mynaa Hayes was funny. She knew a lot about fauna and wildlife of different planets. Mynaa and Elias were in love and showed it. 

The scripted terms of endearment soon became code words, to leave, to go rest, or to go speak with their target, Orion Vance. 

He was something of a local politician, thought to be embezzling money towards the Separatist cause. The town loved him, and therefore did not expect him of such acts against their community. Trust ran deep in this town, she had learned. 

Obi-Wan’s force signature faltered for a moment and Luminara shot up in bed, listening close. After a moment it returned to normal but she couldn’t lie back down. 

Quietly, she made her way to the living room, watching him from the doorway to the bedroom. It was a cloudy night and no light reached their window, but in that darkness she could still make out Obi-Wan’s silhouette, a slow rise and fall of his chest told her that he was still asleep and he was alright. 

Her legs moved before she could register that she was walking towards him, one hand stretched out, lightly caressing his cheek. 

The beard was growing back and prickling of his stubble felt foreign on her hands, but she couldn’t help but feel at peace. 

She turned around quickly, pulling her hand back. She felt something graze her hand, from her palm to her fingertips and she could feel her heart beat faster.  


	7. Safety

“So it rains here after all,” she said, standing at the window. The light patter of the rain on the window was mixed with the sounds of the kettle going off. 

“You sound disappointed,” Obi-Wan said from the kitchen, pouring out tea for the both of them. 

Luminara looked at him, smiling softly. He looked relaxed and she felt the same. They were dressed down in light clothing, oversized sweaters and all. The fireplace beside them crackled and was the only noise between them for now. 

“It seemed too perfect,” she said. “I just wanted to know if there was anything about this planet that wasn’t all sunshine.” 

“Rather cynical, don’t you think?” he said. He walked over to her, handing her a mug. “Tarine Tea, one of Gatalenta’s specialties.” Luminara lifted the mug to her nose, inhaling the scent that reminded her of something like lavender. 

“Not cynical,” she said. “I was just wondering what else this planet had to offer.” 

“It does seem too good to be true,” he said, holding the mug to his lips. 

“A planet so far from the fighting they’re barely aware a war is going on,” she stated. Obi-Wan nodded. 

“I didn’t think that was possible,” he said solemnly. 

“Perhaps it’s because it’s all we know,” she said. Obi-Wan looked at her, confused. “We were raised in the temple. All we know is the Order and the War, Obi-Wan. Apparently that’s not how most people live,” she said, nodding towards the window. 

“Are you suggesting that something’s wrong with the Order?” he asked. 

“No,” she said slowly. “I’m simply suggesting that, our world view has been...colored by war all our lives. That we don’t remember a time when we weren’t fighting, a time when the galaxy was at peace.” Obi-Wan chuckled at this, 

“It seems you’re right,” he said, setting his mug down beside him. “But can you blame us?” he asked. This time it was her turn to laugh, 

“No, I suppose not,” she said. 

“There’s something safe about being here,” he said after a moment. “Something about the air that…” 

“Makes you forget that we’re at war?” she finished for him. 

“Exactly.” 


	8. Dreams

In his dreams they are happy. 

There is no war, there is no threat. They are safe. 

They are together. 

It’s not the first night he’s had this dream, and he suspects it will not be his last. 

When he holds her, she falls into his touch. When she kisses him, he does not step back. It feels all too real to him, the way her skin feels under his hand, the way her nails scratch at his head where she pulls his hair, how her teeth graze up his neck. 

He is reminded, when he wakes up, that is only his dream. A fantasy that will never come to pass, but one that he sees every time he closes his eyes. 

He can tell by the way Luminara does not look at him the next morning, that she knows this dream as well. 

A slight tinge of pink in her cheeks and the way her eyes do not meet his tell him that the force works in ways that he did not know before. 

She keeps her distance the rest of the day, speaking to him only to update him on their target. 

He wants to reach out to her, to take her hand and pull her close, but when he watches her walk away, he remembers why they’re here in the first place. 

Dreams pass, he reminds himself. They do not hold meaning unless he gives it meaning, and he knows he can’t afford to. 

Not now, not when they’ve come so far. 

He would wait, he told himself. 

_ For her _ , a small voice in the back of his mind added. 

He shut his eyes and shook his head, as though that would banish the thought from his mind at all. 

He would have to be careful. This was a simple mission, with an end in sight, there was no room for error, or anything else for that matter. 

Luminara turned back and smiled at him as she left the house, a small smile, apologetic, almost. With her hair open, swaying around her as she left quickly, and a few words of goodbye, Obi-Wan felt his heart beat faster, his cheeks growing hotter, watching a nothing but a closed door. 

 


	9. Facade

“Elias and I’ve been to Coruscant countless times, it’s where he proposed, believe it or not!” 

“Yes well, it seemed right, considering it was where we met.” 

“After four years together he  _ finally  _ worked up the courage to propose.” 

“And it was the best decision I’ve ever made.” 

The kiss he plants on her cheek sells the story, the other couples standing around them, watching them absolutely lovesick. They were convincing enough as a couple, much to her surprise. 

They stand with the other families from the neighborhood, exchanging stories, anecdotes, jokes, the like. It was so normal and Luminara finally felt comfortable around it. 

Obi-Wan’s arm around her waist became a regular part of their routine, even the small kisses on cheeks were normal. 

The longer they spent, the more comfortable she became, though she could not push away the feeling that they were straying.  Around the neighborhood, but even more so around him. They spent their late nights sharing a table, working together as they planned out their moves methodically around their target. They made tea for each other, spending their late nights trading jabs and jokes at each other’s expense. 

It was as though Mynaa and Elias were real, not a front, not a creation of their own minds, but a real couple that did meet on Coruscant, a real couple that did enjoy working together. 

The longer they spent together, the more Luminara understood how fleeting this all was. That their guise would soon end and that Mynaa and Elias would cease to exist once they left this planet. 

The more comfortable she became with her fake life, the more she remembered what was expected of her. Of them. 

This was temporary, she reminded herself. This planet was nothing more than a single stop, a single effort of the war, a duty they were to perform and leave immediately. 

The word home came to mind as she thought of where they were. She pushed the thought aside and focused on what Obi-Wan was saying. His hand rested on her waist, pulling her closer as he told the story of what sounded like how they first met 

How he came up with such elaborate ideas she would never understand, but she was grateful for his creative mind; it meant that she could focus on their mission. Anymore time spent on their fake lives brought her further away from their original goal and she couldn’t afford to let herself stray. 

 


	10. Identity

“So you’ve never thought about them?” he asked, sitting next to her. Luminara flipped through the pages of her book, not looking at him as she answered. 

“No more than I’m meant to,” she said. 

“You must’ve,” he said, leaning his head against his arm, watching her carefully. “These are our roles and you don’t think of them any time we’re not in public?” he asked. 

“I’m afraid I don’t, Master Kenobi,” she said. Obi-Wan pushed the book away from her gently, 

“I think you can call me Obi-Wan now,” he said, chuckling softly. Luminara smiled, 

“As you wish,  _ Obi-Wan, _ ” she said, emphasizing his name “What’s your point?” 

“My point,  _ Luminara _ ,” he said, emphasizing her name. “Is that it’s okay to have some fun with this. While we’re here, you know.” 

“You’re having enough fun with this for the both of us,” she said, picking her book back up. Obi-Wan took it from her hands and placed it behind himself. 

“It’s no fun if you’re not having fun,” he said moving closer. “Now, let’s start with us.” He recounted their story to her, coming up with it as he went along. They went to school together. She asked him out in their last year together, and he’d been in love ever since. They grew apart after they graduated, but ran into each other again almost four years ago. 

“On Coruscant?” she asked, watching him closely.  

“On Coruscant!” he exclaimed, surprised she’d remembered his story from earlier that week. He continued, making up dates, stories, embarrassing moments even their most intimate moments. He felt Luminara watching him as he spoke, but only continued, his mind working faster than his mouth as he pictured the two of them at a tea house somewhere in Coruscant. 

“You’ve given this a lot of thought, Obi-Wan,” she said, arching an eyebrow. He blushed, suddenly aware of how much easier it was to see now that his beard was gone. 

“We have a lot of free time here,” he said, looking out the window instead, watching as the first sun began to set behind her. The glow cast a haze around her, lightening her frame as she sat in front him, knees pulled to her chest. She looked comfortable in her leggings and long tunic, a shawl wrapped around her shoulders to keep her warm. She leaned her head against the sofa, watching him as he spoke, eyes slowly fluttering shut. He kept speaking, unaware that she’d drifted off to sleep in the meantime. Obi-Wan looked at her, admiring the way the dim light from the second sun made her face look softer, relaxed even. He waited a moment, watching the steady rise and fall of her body with her breathing, before he carried her back to the bed. She was a heavy sleeper, unaware that he’d even moved her. Without thinking, he pressed a small kiss to her forehead before he left.  

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think!


End file.
